Keeping It Under Control
– It takes a lot to get me angry. I usually get more of a sense of frustration than I do anger. I get mad when I do not understand something or the actions of another person. This frustrates me and I will often do what I can to make sense of it. One of my daughters gets angry about things quite easily. She will snap at me or slam a door hear and there over things I simply don’t let bother me. I use to allow things to get me angry, but have found that it’s just not worth it. I don’t like being angry and it’s actually one of the easiest emotions to control.
Someone once told me that allowing someone to make you angry was giving them the power to control your mood or state of mind in an adverse way. When a driver would cut me off or take my parking place, I’d get angry. Now, I just pity the fool, for being the type of person they evidently are. They are the kind of person who thrives on control. When they feel as though something in their life is out of control, the get their sense of control by trying to control something else or someone else. They not only want to control a situation, they also want to have control over your emotions. If I give a complete stranger the power to control my emotions by simply being an inconsiderate or selfish person, what is that saying about me. They have done nothing to get that that kind of power over me. A person’s sense of power over another is a powerful nutrient in feeding their need for control. Every time this kind of person hears a horn honk or sees you display a middle finger directed at them, do you really think they feel any remorse? No, they are simply going to feed on your anger. They know they got a rise out of you and they know they have some kind of control over your emotional state of mind. They have made you angry and they don’t care about that. They are not in control of their emotional state, such as being late for work, they need to feel in control to make them feel better.
This is where I use to get in trouble. I use to think that people in general were all pretty close to the same when it came down to morals and respect. I was way off on that one. Many people find it much easier to go through life simply not caring about anyone else’s feelings, except for their own. Allowing someone else to have power of you is something that is not acceptable. Some people will even disregard love, if it means another person will have any power of their emotions. They will even revert their feeling of love in to something else, even anger/hate. They resent that loving someone can make them anything but happy and in control.
Feeding On Anger
My ex seemed to be angry about everything, he couldn’t let go of anything. As I look back, I can see he was one who thrived on having control and loved the power of inflicting emotions on other people. During the divorce he was so bent on changing my mood and having control over my emotions, he didn’t even think twice about his actions. Because I had the power to make him angry, it made him feel week. He needed to feed his need to be in control. More times than not, I would not allow him to see that he was having any affect on my emotions when he would do something. This would often make him strive to do something else that he felt would be sure to get a rise out of me. Making me angry made him feel happy and rewarded for his actions. He still tries even now to gain control when able, but I know better than to let him know if he has succeeded in any way. He’s definitely not anyone I want to have that kind of power over me and I’m certainly not going to feed his need to do so. I won’t give him anything to feed on any longer, I want him to starve!
When you see something that makes you angry, such as an advertisement for instance, are you going to make sure they know they have succeeded? When things go viral because of anger, do you believe whomever put it out there in the first place actually cares? They want to feed in some way off the anger. The action is all they care about. If there is no action, they will be starving for attention. Don’t let them feed off your anger. Doing something with control and composure will get you the same response if they care and your just in your request. Simply letting them know that what the advertisement implied, made you angry and why should be sufficient.
Conclusion
The next time you allow someone to make you angry, think about just how much power you are going to give them. We are entitled to feel anger when someone does, or says, something that makes us mad. How far we let it goes is entirely up to you. If you can’t control your anger, it isn’t anger any longer, it’s rage. If you allow who has made you angry to know they have succeeded to change your mood, you feeding their need for control. Our actions do not have to reflect how angry we are. You can control anger. You can calmly express that you are angry with someone and those who are not feeding off your anger will actually care. The people who feed off your anger will usually do or say something else to try to achieve their goal. The driver that may have cut you off or taken your parking place will more than likely do what they can to get a rise out of somebody else if they didn’t get any reaction from you until they feel back in control of their own emotional state.