Personal Blog Entry

January 4, 2016

-Yesterday was not a good day for me. I had an anxiety attack that lasted 5 hours and tried everything to alleviate my symptoms, but had no luck. Once it finally passed, I decided I can’t keep living like this. I need to get a better handle on things and I need to try to stop worrying about every thing and everyone. I’m doing the best I can do in my situation and that’s just going to have to be good enough. I feel like I have a million loose ends flopping around in the wind and I can’t seem to grasp the right ones to tie off some place. I’m a bit overwhelmed right now.

I walked into my bathroom and looked into my closet and could hardly believe I let it get to the state of disorganization that it was in. I love things neat and organized or it makes me feel uneasy. I could never sit still and relax if things were a mess around me. I use to take a great deal of pride in being able to stay neat and organized, even when our houses were under construction. I have let things go for too long, so I could concentrate on making money to live on. I’d feel guilty if I’d do anything other than working toward an income. I have been letting my situation dictate my daily life and have been neglecting too many thing, so I decided to get back to a state that I can find relaxing. Guess what this means?…upcoming posts about cleaning and organizing. I will say this, I didn’t find anything I had forgot I had or have anything in that closet that wasn’t suppose to be in there, so it wasn’t a catch all, just neglected. I’m going to tackle my dressers tomorrow, been wanting to that for weeks. They are a huge mess and can hardly wait to get at them.

I could make a living hiring myself out to clean and organize other people’s stuff, I’m really quite good at it, but I know my health won’t allow it. Just doing the closet has my arm aching, the tips of my middle and index fingers on my left hand are numb tonight and that’s my good hand. My index finger on my right hand feels as though I burnt it really bad and I keep having short spasms in my neck. It must have been from looking up so much. I’ll try to counter-act it tomorrow looking down into my drawers, see what happens.

I thought of a business I could start, but don’t have any idea as to how to go about doing it. I have found a shortfall for a product that is very useful for many different things. I can’t believe no body else has seen this oppertunity and done it already. I wish they would, I’d shop there all the time and use the product to make new products. It’s so frustrating to know I could get out of financial distress, but have no way to go about doing it and no funds available to even think of making it happen. How on earth is someone suppose get something off the ground that will generate a nice income, if everything requires money to do it. I wonder how many other low income people come up with ideas like I do and have no way of doing anything with them. We are afraid to tell anyone, because they may take it and run with it, so these ideas just lay around as notes or sketches on paper. Needs inspire innovation and none have more greater need than those who are poor. Wish I had a rich uncle…lol